Emptiness

Hello Readers,

This is not a poetry nor a story it is something that we feel deep within us... There is this sudden silence which grips us and we feel so empty. No thoughts to ponder, No words to share, just an emptiness we carry when rest are at play...

This one is dedicated to everyone who have felt the emptiness...

Living single is not as great as the feeling of being free…
No Commitments,
No one to stop you from talking to people,
No one asking you to come home early,
No one telling you to do things their way

Just the thought of it makes me high…

I ask myself are you happy? Do you have everything? Is this what you always wanted?

And then something hits me like a hangover from a last night’s party…
I wake up to the feeling of being alone with a heavy head grabbing a cup of coffee and looking at my bed… EMPTY!

That’s what I feel… empty!

I miss the feeling of being asked,
I miss the feeling of being warm in a long cold night,
I miss the feeling of being secure
I miss missing someone for all that I know…

Now is this better than being free…

I would love to be dominated by a body that I need more than it needs me.
I would love to be awake all night just feeling a sweet pain gripping me.
I would love to be asked where are you going and when are you coming back not with envy or dominant factor but with a need in the voice that is asking me. It says, “You are the only one I have but you have so many”

Is that asking for too much from someone…?
Then why is it that I am still left alone… ?
You can’t share everything with everyone, for this you really need someone who can tell you looking in your eyes that you are the only one.

Fear! Is the response that I get from my mind…
It is telling me you are scared not to get in a relation but get involved and be left once again to be alone…
I keep telling myself how much have I tried to forget my past but as it is said history repeats itself… it keeps coming back… haunting me! Whispering in my ears, "I am coming for you"

Once again the fear grabs me… The thrill of being abused holds me so tight that I grasp for breath… Something keeps pulling me back.

Then you come by with your warm touch and say don’t worry it’s just a bad dream…

It’s all over and hold me close to you…

A sigh of relief so great that I just drop dead…

No one knows your value better than me…

No one knows what you mean to me better than my mind, body and soul which have your name drafted on it…

Tell me where are you? How do I find you…? I need you… Come to me and show yourself.
I wake up again to an empty bed…

Cheers!

Untamed Thoughts

I thought a zillion times on how to start my day,
Somehow the person I hate the most always crossed my way.
Cursed them in heart saying gosh! There goes the black cat again,
It never crossed my mind on which words should I refrain.

I wondered how to grow?
And I said, “By showing all that I know.”
I said to myself forget the hard work lets make it simple in life.
Then reality struck lifestyle has gone too high.

It was so difficult but then I realized hard work pays.
Started singing prayers to leave all the dismay.
I started remembering all that I see when I climb the ladder.
Just in case my luck seems sadder.
So no more black cats and no more demons,
I became a friend of my own creations.

Remember one fact which might take you high.
Always have tequila with one part lime....

Fanatic Psyche!

The first thing I did when I saw Nikhil's mail to join this blog was re-confirm my understanding of the name of this shared blog! 'Fanatic Psyche' - A human mind or soul motivated by irrational enthusiasm!

Ahem!!! Why this name Niks? Was it just about the fancy name or.... And it set it me thinking in various directions -
1) may be he just wanted to make it sound fancy...like I remember I had really struggled to find a fancy name for mine! Infact I remember breaking my brains to make it sound very literary and deep rooted and all! huh!!!

2) is Nikhil planning to make this a mad people place...where crazy people write their thoughts cos there is no other place / person who hears them out! LOL!!! and if this is the case...is Nikhil sure that I am one of such cases? Oouch!!!

3) If Nikhil did approach me in first place...am I really a fanatic? Do I look, sound, behave like one? I am unaware of any such signals being given out by me! Infact I look at myself as someone who is not enthusiastic about regular things in life...leave alone rational. With this background how can I be a 'Fanatic'? No...something is wrong...I'll have to figure out now!

Anyways, hope i find an answer!

Ok wait...hold on!!! I know it! I just wrote a blog on the most irrational thought!!! Name of a blog and the psyche behing that name...

Oh no! Thanks Nikhil...for exposing me to this side of my psyche ;)

I'll be a fanatic and contribute to the joint venture regularly!

Killing Me

Work is killing me and taking my case big time. It’s banging me hard against the merciless wall. It’s slapping me every next moment; It’s hitting me with a whip soaked in salt and chilly powder, the blow of a whip is so devastating that it’s taming a tiger in me who is so reluctant of behaving in an advised manner. Work is making me feel like a punching bag people come and hit me and have there dosage of delightful pleasure. My blood is running swiftly to the head and I can experience my head has now turned into heart, and has started propelling with great intensity. I can feel every nerve wedged packed with blood and ticking every second as if the countdown to a blast. I wish the head to smashes off and with the blood shattered around I am sure it will be a lovely blueprint. The blueprint which will portrait the frustration, so sluggish, so random, so fuming. The aftermath of such an incidence is lying down calmly after the rigorous action. Wow getting f…. is really satisfying.

New Card in Life

I play my life like cards,
Three to go and I bet my life,
I hold no fear of calling a spade a spade.
With shuffles every move gives a new twist to life.
Every card holds a life to me.
Every card has a story to say.
Some black and some red the passion the darkness.
Move and flip them as you need.
Cards thought me to be content and happy with what you hold.
Reshuffling and fitting them right is the secret to win.
Moving them up and down on priority lines.
Helps you decide what you crave and what’s divine.
I keep moving with the moving cards.
Pick them up and decided
I will stay on earth or I shall go to Mars.
Be calm with every card, it yield a lot when given a thought.
Like the latest card in my life.
I reshuffle myself to get adjusted with hoping life.
The card shall surely fit in right.
I shall gather the strength to oppose and fight.
I hold this lovely card and wish to be all in red.
The passion to live life and color my life with passion.

Fanatic Psyche

I use this blog to vend out my heart in my own way an abstract fashion which might sound completely weird and Un-contemporary. I might write of instances, emotions, empathy, laughter, cry, evil, sarcasm, love, ghost, deceit, compassion, poetry, short stories, micro stories, insane thoughts actions and surgical reactions. All in all I can be myself in words. This blog is dedicated to all the people who have dragged me into the act of vending my mind on the paper. People who have helped me discover myself. Thank you guys n gals. The Unforeseen as I call you all. This blog is completely vague and out of the world. It's need a bit of inhuman to understand the human........................ So let the journey begin.

photograph courtesy: Rajesh Nair